I am ready to chew the 80th annual academy awards on abc with some people, some I know well, some I do not. Being myself one of those movie goers, and reviewer, that does not particularly like this grotesque circus, among friends that will keep me entertained, I will definitely survive to yet another long and boring nonsense show.
The host this year is Jon Stewart, this funny guy from the daily show (1996) I do not really get, but then again, I do not get most of those showmen everyone else does. Anyways, we have plenty of drinks and food, and everyone around me is carrying a smile. The night is promising. It is time now to see if favorites no country for old men (2007) and there will be blood (2007) will reign or if juno (2007) will raise an indie voice. No speculations no more, the show is about to begin and I am here to write about it live.
Scroll down for a full list of nominees and winners, otherwise let’s start with the red carpet. I do not really get all that people waiting there for the most glamorous parade on earth. Are they getting paid for that? I can imagine some of the people here with me today there. I totally can. What is the point? What is the point for example on seeing former stripper Diablo Cody wearing a pair of one million dollar shoes as I was reading yesterday? Is this how haute couture firms advertise their products? If that is the case, I am definitely not among the target costumers. For the meantime, some movie trivia here via Xbox. Not my strength but I am turning to be better than I expected.
It is kind of sad that the closeness to the actual starting time of the event correlates with how big of a star you are this year. In any case, those who are not at the top but were in the past have also their second of glory. Also, who writes the questions they are asked by the journalists? Can they be more stupid? And what is with all the random talk about their dresses? They are totally changing my mind about what I think about the red carpet. They are not. Does anyone really care about Marion Cotillard wearing Jean Paul Gaultier? And the popcorn is here. Thank you Paola. And the red carpet is still on. These guys are really happy to be there. We are really happy too, to be here. Who is that girl with George Clooney that looks like she could be his daughter and does not even has a last name? Anyways, I am going to take a break here since I am seeing it is time for me to shut up on red carpet stuff. Just one more think about it, the Oscar on top of the countdown clock on whichever station is on, looks like the middle finger when I take my glasses off.
The show is on, Jack Nicholson is sitting next to Javier Bardem, the strike is over and Stewart has already reminded us about the length of the show. Obvious jokes and some respect for the nominees. All of them, on a very political way.
The first award is for achievement in costume design and Jennifer Garner is on. The speech by the elizabeth: the golden age (2007) costume designer is short. Are all going to be that long? Hopefully. And, of course, right afterwards, commercials. Have not watched television lately, I am definitely going to get an idea on what they are offering these days.
George Clooney is now on stage. He is trying to make us feel nostalgic. And, again, he is reminding me about the length. If they keep doing it I will definitely shut the door. Not everyone turns eighty years old, Oscar does it tonight, and it is time to remember his life.
The iPhone also made it to the show. Stewart has one and he is watching lawrence of arabia (1962). I do not know if Steve Carell has one as well but he is on for animated features. No surprises here after the big success of ratatouille (2007). Make-up is on next, la môme (2007) gets it, and it is time now to enjoy a little bit of French accent. And now Amy Adams sings one of the three enchanted (2007) nominated songs. She is so charming, even though her outfit tonight does not really fit the song. More commercials and best performance by an actor on a supporting role will be next.
The Rock is on for best visual effects first. It looks like the whole crew of the golden compass (2007) is on stage now. Cate Blanchett presents art direction, and the Oscar goes to sweeney todd: the demon barber of fleet street (2007), and now the accent is Italian. It is kind of interesting how they start playing music to kick out the winners from stage. They are in the mood for looking back and they show a video of best supporting actor winners. Anyways, Jennifer Hudson presents, and Javier Bardem gets it. And I am happy because I am supposed to be happy since I am Spanish as he is and we both do not shave. And he is kind enough to talk in Spanish for all those rooting for him in Spain.
After more commercials, yet more videos. Now one about binoculars and periscopes. Just like that. One about bad dreams as well right before welcoming Keri Russell. Another nominated song, this one from august rush (2007). Time now for live action short films, the award is presented by Owen Wilson, who tries hard with foreign titles. French accent is back on and this guy is certainly touched. A video about bees. And I am starting to kind of like them. The bee from bee movie (2007) presents the awards for best animated short film. I like the toy the British guy is carrying better than the Oscar. Now he has two toys for the night. Supporting actress winner is Tilda Swinton who was not really expecting it. I was not either even though she is the best of michael clayton (2007). She even mentions George Clooney’s nipples on batman & robin (1997).
After more commercials Jessica Alba is still very pregnant and tells us about The Scientific Technical Awards. Josh Brolin and James McAvoy delivers an award to the screenplay of no country for old men. First of many? These guys are better behind the camera than giving speeches, that is for sure. It is time now for the president of the Academy to talk about how they cook the whole thing. Guess how? Yes, with yet another video. Another song from enchanted (2007) follows. Followed, of course, by commercials. By now, they are starting to bother.
Judy Dench and Halle Berry are now on screen. Maybe not. Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen are pretending to be them, and they are there for sound editing. I loved the way the bourne ultimatum (2007) sounded, and guess what? It gets both awards for sound editing and mixing. Time now for one of the succulent ones. The best actress this year is Marion Cotillard, and it looks like French accent is the new thing. She is speechless, as many other actresses before. They throw more commercials right away so we can do nothing, really.
Colin Farrell is on stage to introduce a song from once (2006). The Wii was there before. Anytime is good for advertising. The song, by the way, is lovely, so is once. And right after something lovely, Jack Nicholson, who is not really lovely but we all love him. It is impressive how this old man emanates the essence of his most famous characters, even when he is just introducing a new video about all time best picture winners. Editing goes to Jason Bourne’s movie which is getting most of the technical stuff. Nicole Kidman, who is also pregnant, is now on stage to pay tribute to Robert F. Boyle.
Commercials are starting to annoy me and some of my friends too. That is why you need friends to watch the annual academy awards and similar gathering shows. Penélope Cruz is there for the Austrian movie that gets the foreign award home. I am missing a couple of movies among the nominated, but that is another whole story. The last enchanted nominated song follows. It is like watching a Disney special. More commercials? I guessed wrong, John Travolta instead. Now we have listened to all the nominated songs. enchanted has three times the chance to get the award but it does not. once wins. He talks, she does not. Again, who is in charge of that annoying music? Does he or she know anything about common sense?
Markéta is back after the commercials. Stewart brings her back in and she really takes the chance. Someone with common sense around. Cameron Diaz walks in and after a hesitant start presents the cinematography award. there will be blood gets its first Oscar. Time now for those who are not among us anymore. Rest in peace while we keep watching commercials.
Time now for another Spanish man, Alberto Iglesias and the music he composed for kite runner (2007). He does not get it, though. It goes to the one from atonement (2007). Stewart keeps trying to be funny and I have to say he has got me smiling a couple of times. That on stage now is an older version of Tom Hanks. And from Baghdad a bunch of soldiers present the best short documentary nominees. The winners talk about how we all have the right to pick whichever sexual orientation we want and enjoy it. After the short ones, it is time now for the longer ones. taxi to the dark side (2007) gets it, a documentary about torture practices of the United States that should never have happened. Really, commercials are getting longer and closer, and we are all getting tired.
There he is, Indiana Jones. He is there to let Diablo Cody enjoy her second of fame. Hopefully, first of many. She cries, and gets away, just the way she is, the way her parents love her. What is with all the commercials? They are already longer than the space in between.
I am getting tired. Best actor now. Hellen Mirren on stage. You can tell I am getting tired because of the length of my sentences. And the Oscar goes to Daniel Day Lewis. As if we did not know that. And it looks like this is going to be the last time we are going to enjoy commercials tonight. Maybe not.
The best director, according to Martin Scorsese and everyone else, is, sorry, are the Coen brothers. No surprises here either and it looks like there is only one more chance for those to happen. They have more things to say now. Ethan does.
And this is about to end and I am about to go to bed. The best picture of the year is no country for old men who is actually the big winner of the night tonight. A night that now that I look back it does not look that long. So, I might come back next year.
For now, that is all folks. Good night and good luck.
Best Motion Picture of the Year
Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role
Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role
Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role
Best Achievement in Directing
Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen
Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material Previously Produced or Published
Best Achievement in Cinematography
- the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford (2007): Roger Deakins
- atonement (2007): Seamus McGarvey
- no country for old men (2007): Roger Deakins
- le scaphandre et le papillon (2007): Janusz Kaminski
- there will be blood (2007): Robert Elswit
Best Achievement in Editing
- the bourne ultimatum (2007): Christopher Rouse
- le scaphandre et le papillon (2007): Juliette Welfling
- into the wild (2007): Jay Cassidy
- no country for old men (2007): Ethan Coen, Joel Coen
- there will be blood (2007): Dylan Tichenor
Best Achievement in Art Direction
- american gangster (2007): Arthur Max, Beth A. Rubino
- atonement (2007): Sarah Greenwood, Katie Spencer
- the golden compass (2007): Dennis Gassner, Anna Pinnock
- sweeney todd: the demon barber of fleet street (2007): Dante Ferretti, Francesca Lo Schiavo
- there will be blood (2007): Jack Fisk, Jim Erickson
Best Achievement in Costume Design
- across the universe (2007): Albert Wolsky
- atonement (2007): Jacqueline Durran
- elizabeth: the golden age (2007): Alexandra Byrne
- la môme (2007): Marit Allen
- sweeney todd: the demon barber of fleet street (2007): Colleen Atwood
Best Achievement in Makeup
- la môme (2007): Didier Lavergne, Jan Archibald
- norbit (2007): Rick Baker, Kazuhiro Tsuji
- pirates of the caribbean: at world’s end (2007): Ve Neill, Martin Samuel
Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Score
- atonement (2007): Dario Marianelli
- the kite runner (2007): Alberto Iglesias
- michael clayton (2007): James Newton Howard
- ratatouille (2007): Michael Giacchino
- 3:10 to yuma (2007): Marco Beltrami
Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Song
- august rush (2007): Jamal Joseph, Charles Mack, Tevin Thomas (“Raise It Up”)
- enchanted (2007): Alan Menken, Stephen Schwartz (“Happy Working Song”)
- enchanted (2007): Alan Menken, Stephen Schwartz (“So Close”)
- enchanted (2007): Alan Menken, Stephen Schwartz (“That’s How You Know”)
- once (2006): Glen Hansard, Markéta Irglová (“Falling Slowly”)
Best Achievement in Sound
- the bourne ultimatum (2007): Scott Millan, David Parker, Kirk Francis
- no country for old men (2007): Skip Lievsay, Craig Berkey, Greg Orloff, Peter F. Kurland
- ratatouille (2007): Randy Thom, Michael Semanick, Doc Kane
- 3:10 to yuma (2007): Paul Massey, David Giammarco, Jim Stuebe
- transformers (2007): Kevin O’Connell, Greg P. Russell, Peter J. Devlin
Best Achievement in Sound Editing
- the bourne ultimatum (2007): Karen M. Baker, Per Hallberg
- no country for old men (2007): Skip Lievsay
- ratatouille (2007): Randy Thom, Michael Silvers
- there will be blood (2007): Matthew Wood
- transformers (2007): Mike Hopkins, Ethan Van der Ryn
Best Achievement in Visual Effects
- the golden compass (2007): Michael L. Fink, Bill Westenhofer, Ben Morris, Trevor Wood
- pirates of the caribbean: at world’s end (2007): John Knoll, Hal T. Hickel, Charlie Gibson, John Frazier
- transformers (2007): Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Russell Earl, John Frazier
Best Animated Feature Film of the Year
- persepolis (2007): Vincent Paronnaud, Marjane Satrapi
- ratatouille (2007): Brad Bird
- surf’s up (2007): Ash Brannon, Chris Buck
Best Foreign Language Film of the Year
- die fälscher (2007) (Austria)
- beaufort (2007) (Israel)
- mongol (2007) (Kazakhstan)
- katyn (2007) (Poland)
- 12 (2007) (Russia)
And the Oscar goes to: die fälscher (2007) (Austria)
Best Documentary, Features
- no end in sight (2007): Charles Ferguson, Audrey Marrs
- operation homecoming: writing the wartime experience (2007): Richard Robbins
- sicko (2007): Michael Moore, Meghan O’Hara
- taxi to the dark side (2007): Alex Gibney, Eva Orner
- war dance (2007): Andrea Nix, Sean Fine
Best Documentary, Short Subjects
- freeheld (2007): Cynthia Wade, Vanessa Roth
- la corona (2008): Amanda Micheli, Isabel Vega
- salim baba (2008): Tim Sternberg, Francisco Bello
- sari’s mother (2006): James Longley
Best Short Film, Animated
- même les pigeons vont au paradis (2007): Samuel Tourneux, Vanesse Simon
- i met the walrus (2007): Josh Raskin
- madame tutli-putli (2007): Chris Lavis, Maciek Szczerbowski
- moya lyubov (2006): Aleksandr Petrov
- peter & the wolf (2006): Suzie Templeton, Hugh Welchman
Best Short Film, Live Action
- om natten (2007): Christian E. Christiansen, Louise Vesth
- il supplente (2006): Andrea Jublin
- le mozart des pickpockets (2006): Philippe Pollet-Villard
- tanghi argentini (2006): Guy Thys, Anja Daelemans
- the tonto woman (2007): Daniel Barber, Matthew Brown